On the Prevalence of Old World English

Chronicles of Expansion: Humanity’s (Accidental) Journey to the Edge of Space

Chapter 4 – On the Prevalence of Old World English

Over the course of humankind, each major civilization has had its own version of a universal language. Long before the Space Age, such was the case for Earth Zero nations as well. Now, having conquered our little corner of the universe, and with colonies spread across hundreds of light years, a common tongue remains as important as ever. Otherwise, how could we expect to connect with one another?

It’s been a while since this fundamental question was posed by a brave group of explorers during the colonization and terraforming of Earth 9, humanity’s first planet beyond the confines of our Milky Way. Today, far from that point in spacetime, it is still being asked at every genpo training center and expanded upon as part of the Exodus Initiative. So, how do we connect?

The answer has always been rather simple: Old World English. It is the official universal language of the Space Age, borrowed from a dying, hyper-romanticized Earth Zero, and the subject of yet another Initiative lesson. Unlike core history classes, this one requires no memorization. Attendance and compliance, however, are mandatory. Instead of instructors, we rely on HyperParticle projections of historical figures relevant to the development of English in the Old World. Those for which we still have data, at least.

For students in Class 055-4 the teacher was none other than Mr. H. J. Ellison, HP, whoever that had been. The projection, rowdy and dramatic to the point that it required reprogramming at least twice a trimester, made for a somewhat unorthodox class.

Start of Lesson 5.1.A – On the Prevalence of Old World English.

So, you all have already learned OWE… yet here we are!

If you ask me, this class is a fucking waste of my time and programming, but nobody ever asks anything from an HP, so let’s get to it!

Why is it that you know OWE? Why do children learn it from such an early age? In fact, why on this gray, cold earth am I speaking it right now?

Being a new class, it wasn’t unusual for a few eager students to raise their hands. Mr. H.J. was programmed not to pay much attention to the wiggly fingers. He did, however, have his own way of dealing with them.

Get your fucking hands down! I know that you know this, and you know that I know you know… stop trying to impress an HP and focus on learning for once. For fucks sake… do you think I want to be here regurgitating what I already know that you know I know you know?

Where were we? Oh yeah… the rise of OWE…

It’s one thing to colonize a new world, and another one altogether to populate half a dozen planets. At first, The Conglomerate aimed for a united humanity, connected in every sense. Bad idea. Impossible, in fact, but temporarily sustainable as long as all Earths were close to each other. That was not the case for Earth 9.

All new earths were founded and funded through Exodus, yet this common trait could not counter humanity’s sectarian inclinations and fragmented destiny. It was hard enough to keep everyone in line at a single earth. Now we had discovered, colonized, and terraformed a planet in a galaxy of its own. What’s more, the expansion of our universe wasn’t about to stop. Further, farther planets were already within reach for our adventurous ancestors.

Sure, the gradual emergence of new cultures had always been an underlying issue, but commerce, tourism, and collaboration between sister planets anchored us to a shared history. An ever-watchful Conglomerate also helped. With Earth 9 and any subsequent discoveries, however, the possibility of entirely disconnected civilizations seemed like a natural inevitability. For the Congs and their doctrine of a collective, manifest destiny, this was unacceptable.

Initiatives like Exodus rely on efficient communications between colonies separated by an infinity of time and space. A universal language and the means to transmit it were thus required and summarily imposed. So, the first order of business was to design and implement the ISRM network,[1] from which a civilization-wide language program could be delivered to any and all colonies.

You know the rest, don’t you?

Mr. H.J. was right. Class 055-4 knew the basic history behind OWE. Among mandatory genpo classes, Old English Fundamentals had perhaps been taught the longest. Even on late-stage earths, few other languages were as prevalent. Beyond standard courses, the genpo also had access to dozens of educational appendices, numbered, ordered, and programmed to be absorbed by particle clouds in a matter of seconds. What these students didn’t know, and Exodus recruits were about to learn, were actual examples of OWE in action across the known universe. Not every detail could be shared, of course, but then again, such was the case for any other class.

Now to get your noodles tangled and mangled, let’s take a look at Appendix 51A2 – The Story of Major Carlsen Ominox and his centuries-long journey to *redacted.*

Not too long ago, I took part in a class very much like this one… except perhaps with a tad more talent and less hands raised than you bunch… but there’s still time to remedy that.

Among these former pupils, one stood out for his excellence during both deciphering and navigation assignments. His name was Carlsen Ominox. Prior to enrollment, he could already speak and understand over a dozen human dialects, making him a prime candidate for our Decoding & Communications program. To top it off, the kid didn’t even use particle learning, instead relying on old-school memorization and enjoying the struggle that it is to be human.

Carlsen was born in an asteroid field to a group of deep space mining scouts, giving him an innate advantage in navigating the complexities of our capricious, multicultural universe. Unfortunately, the flipside of this unique upbringing translated into a disdain for teamwork, which made him ineligible for standard Exodus missions. Still, he was recruited and brought onboard until we could figure out what to do with him.

At some point during his training, the Exodus *redacted* went missing, and the Conglomerate issued an urgent primary directive. Time was of the essence. The Initiative needed an intrepid soul unafraid to die alone in space, and Carlsen was happy to volunteer. It took only a week to set the mission up. An antimatter food delivery module was the winning ticket, refitted to maneuver about as well as an Old World kitchen oven.

The Congs set a mission timeline of six e-decades, five spent en route. That’s ten years to locate a missing ship in the middle of fucking nowhere. Carlsen did it in four. He found the stranded survivors orbiting a tiny planet that went on to become *redacted*, helping them establish a productive *redacted* colony before embarking on the return journey. For this resounding success, he was promoted to scouting major, a role created for him and since named in his honor.

Years later, Major Ominox left the newfound colony, unaware our dark, perilous universe had in store a surprise of its own… and doesn’t it always, the fucker! On his way back, while sleeping nice and sound in an old cryostasis chamber, a wandering quasar decided his route was not up to the universal standard of suffering.

Imagine waking up after three centuries to find yourselves orbiting a Lost Earth light years away from your original destination. Below you, there is a place where space travel went from reality to legend long before your time. A world with swords and iron armor, home to survivors of an unknown plague who now travel around in the backs of local, domesticated animals. That’s what he saw when the suborbital drones reported back to the ship. He also found the remains of an old Exodus Ship orbiting the planet, including a few working emergency pods that could have taken him back home.

So, what do you think Major Ominox did? I’ll tell you what, and this will probably get redacted for next week’s lesson; he acted like a fucking imbecile!

Programming personalities had its risks, and no projection was as risky or as often reprogrammed as Professor H.J. With that said, the HP was right. Ominox lost his life because of the choices he made, but these same choices gave humanity a most valuable and unexpected gift. A new earth. It was up to Mr. Ellison to impart this important lesson upon his pupils, focusing on the role that language had played in the process. Whether he was censured again or not, he really couldn’t give a shit.

Yep… you probably guessed it, my dearest, insufferable, hand-raising pests. Ominox, much like you probably will if it ever gets to that, opted for making his way down to a medieval hellhole. Why? To further advance the expanse of human civilization, of course!

Oh, and he found hell below, but it was full of OWE-speaking demons, who after dozens of generations had yet to lose their language. What they told him was the stuff of legend, mixed with the usual superstitions of primitive minds.

The story began when their ancestors reached the planet, descending from the heavens on pieces of a broken, promised land. What precipitated the fall had been the cause of constant debate and dozens of wars over the centuries, resulting in an ever-shifting ruling class who wielded the power of divine weapons and indestructible bodies.

Major Ominox saw the truth behind these words, even if the locals could not. An Exodus ship must have failed while orbiting the planet. Survivors, clinging to escape pods and pieces of the ship, managed to crash-land on a new world. Those with the few weapons that survived the fall had ruled with an iron fist from behind the veil of powered metal armors. Superstition, as usual, crumbled under the weight of reason.

To summarize the events that followed, his words didn’t agree with the local conventional wisdom, and the ruling class hunted Ominox across land and sea. It was all too late. The seed had been planted. A resistance sprouted in the shadows. It took him years to get everything he needed for a planetary transmission, and he lost his life seconds after sending the message to the nearest colony.

A worthy sacrifice? You be the judge! What I can tell you is that these so-called rulers met their end at the hands of a vengeful Conglomerate less than five years later. The fighting didn’t last a week. No prisoners were taken. Out of the ensuing, one-sided bloodshed, a new earth was born.

You can find more details of Ominox’s adventures and misadventures once Appendix 51A2 is fully up on your particle clouds. There is additional material available upon request, assuming you qualify for unredacted data on the subject.

In the meantime, keep this critical lesson in mind; OWE and a little bit of ingenuity is all that has kept humanity from splitting into a thousand different species. OWE kept Ominox alive, for a while. OWE granted us a new earth…  

That’s it for me. I leave you to the usual closing remarks before these motherfuckers reprogram me yet again… bastards!

Now is your turn to follow on Major Ominox’ footsteps and embark on a journey of discovery through the cosmos! Next class, we will explore his interactions with local tribes on *redacted* in more detail, along with the codification of OWE and its spread to outer space colonies. 

Remember, humanity’s future rests in your hands!

Please stay seated for background information upload.

End of class.

[1] ISRM network: Interstellar relay matrix network.